28-year-old Alana Jaquez has been renting her apartment for the past four years, but tells reporters that she still lives in fear that her landlord will one day discover that she has made the place a home.
“Is it obvious that I’ve built a life in here?” she asked reporters. “If so, do you think they’ll take that out of my security deposit?”
Alana says that whenever her landlord comes over, she has to rush and hide any signs that she has made her apartment a warm, inviting space to call home.
“Also,” she added. “I have to hide my cats because my landlord doesn’t know I have them and I don’t want to pay the pet fee.”
“I’m just worried he’ll hate the changes I’ve made to my apartment during my time here,” Alana continued. “Specifically, the way all my stuff is in here and how I’ve brightened the space and organized it in such a way that I feel comfortable and at peace.”
Alana adds that she’s worried the space feels too “lived in” and is afraid her landlord will discover that she has, in fact, danced with abandon on the floors and leaned on the walls in moments of weariness.
“Does it look like I’ve lived and loved and dreamed in here? Be honest,” she asked reporters. “Seriously, does it look like I’ve weathered the ups and downs of life within these four walls? If so, I’m going to need more caulk.”
“God forbid he discovers I’ve cried here,” she continued. “I think there’s a specific clause prohibiting that in my lease. Something about ‘contaminating the energy of the space.’”
At press time, Alana had relaxed a bit, telling reporters that she’s mostly worried about when the day comes that she has to move out.
“No matter how much I caulk the walls or how hard I scrub the floors, there’s no hiding that someone has lovingly called this place home. I might as well just never leave and start putting some roots down here. Oh god, what if he notices that I’ve put roots down?”
