Sources in Austin, TX report that 24-year-old Ji Sue Park is hesitant to start taking the antidepressants she’s been prescribed because she’s afraid they might ruin her brand of extremely fucked up, worrying humor.
“I just don’t want to lose the parts of myself I love most,” she said, clearly finding no problem with the fact that she texts each of her friends, “going kms mode!! lmao” every morning at 9 a.m. “I mean, cracking jokes is what I do! It’s the fuel of my life!”
Sources confirmed her friends have had over a dozen secret text conversations about whether they should be concerned for Ji Sue given the content of her jokes, and each has individually concluded, “Yes.”
“If anything, her sense of humor is what motivated us to ask her to seek help in the first place,” Ji Sue’s close friend, Jasmine, told reporters. “We were watching The Shining and she wouldn’t stop saying ‘lol’ when someone died. Not even laughing, just saying ‘lol’ out loud, which somehow felt worse.”
Common themes in Ji-Sue’s “jokes” include mortality, why life would be better as a mouse, how she wouldn’t mind being caught in a tsunami because her last moments would be spent “catching my biggest wave yet,” why the disembodied hand from The Addams Family is “body image goals,” and a bevy of other topics that make everyone around her extremely uncomfortable.
“What if I start taking antidepressants and lose my pizzazz?” she pondered. The “pizzazz” to which she is referring has psychologically damaged several of her young cousins.
Meanwhile, Dr. Sheria Wyatt at the University of Michigan was quick to quell this common fear.
“Sure, some people experience minor personality changes on antidepressants, but you’re still you,” she said. “And even if your sense of humor does change a bit, everyone around you will probably be like, ‘Oh, thank god.’”
Jasmine remains hopeful that she will see a positive change in her friend: “Maybe Ji Sue’s jokes will have a setup and punchline soon, because right now she just texts me pictures of Chris Pine from different angles several times a day with the caption ‘chros prone.’ What does that mean? Is she okay?”
Sources are saying, “kind of.”
At press time, Ji Sue sent Jasmine a picture of Chris Pine smiling with the caption “zolorft chros prone.” Reporters are taking this to mean she has picked up her Zoloft, but honestly, who is to say?