‘Sorry, I’m Bad With Names,’ Says Woman Who Knows All the Words to ‘Fergalicious’

In a blatant lie out of Wilmington, NC, Mandy Ruiz has told an acquaintance that she is “bad with names” and “has a terrible memory,” even though she knows every single word to the 2006 smash hit, “Fergalicious”. 


We see right through you, Mandy!


Mandy was meeting her roommate’s friend Jamie for the third time, but completely botched it, calling him “Jason”. This is especially damning considering Mandy knows all 764 words to the lead single of Fergie’s debut album, The Dutchess.


“I’m really bad with this sort of thing,” said Mandy, covering for herself even though the second she hears, “Listen up, y’all, ’cause this is it,” she goes feral and repeats every single word before the track even gets there. 


“I just have trouble, like, visualizing words and remembering how to spell them and stuff,” she continued in a ramble that was, frankly, a little pathetic. 


Mandy’s roommate Sameed called her out on this, saying she clearly doesn’t have trouble with names or words given that she walks around spelling F-E-R-G-I-E and D-E-L-I-C-I-O-U-S to herself and has no problem with the word “Fergalicious” itself, which is a portmanteau of “Fergie” and “Delicious”.


Mandy denied these allegations, saying, “If you were suspicious, all that shit is fictitious,” which Sameed was quick to remind her is just another lyric from “Fergalicious”. 


Mandy also could not provide a reason why she found the name “Jamie” so hard to visualize given that the last time they all went out to karaoke, she recited Fergie’s rap with her eyes closed. 


Sources confirmed she is not making these boys go loco when it comes to remembering who is “Jake” and who is “Sam”. 


“It’s okay to not remember someone’s name, but just say that!” Sameed continued. “Don’t lie when I’ve heard you say, ‘They want my treasure, so they get their pleasures from my photo’ faster than I thought humanly possible. You have an amazing memory, and we all know it.”



Mandy was so distressed by the situation that she decided to get some air. Reporters later found her up in the gym just working on her fitness. 


At press time, Mandy promised to be better with names, pledging to finally give up the brain space she has dedicated to knowing all the words to Nicki Minaj’s “Super Bass”.