Woman Who Touched Damp Shower Curtain Still Alive

The Gender Spectrum Collection

Early reports out of Denver have confirmed that 24-year-old Amber Wilkins, who accidentally brushed against her shower curtain this morning is miraculously still breathing after the encounter.


“I didn’t mean to do it, and almost gagged in the moment, but I’m still here,” says Amber.


Maneuvering one’s self in the shower in a way that involves skin to plastic contact can often leave one at best, shaken and at worst, fully deceased.


“She texted me after the fact letting me know she was okay,” says Amber’s boyfriend, Jeff. “I assumed she was texting me from her hospital bed. I can’t believe she survived.”


Amber went on to explain the circumstances that lead to the harrowing experience.


“I was bent down trying to shave that tiny spot near my ankle,” she says. “And that’s when I made initial contact. It was horrible.”


“In many ways, this is the patriarchy’s fault,” Amber added. “In trying to be presentable in society, I put myself at the greatest risk of touching the slimiest part near the bottom.”


Experts agree that Amber beat the odds.


“She must have an incredible will to live,” said Dr. Franz Gurgen, an expert in the field of shower curtain casualties. “Not to mention a sturdy immune system.”


“Many victims of these horrendous incidents aren’t so lucky,” he added.


And Amber recognizes that she is a survivor.


“All in all, I’m stronger for it,” she says. “It was rough, but I’m learning from the trauma.”


Sources confirm that the resilient Amber has chosen to switch to a fabric shower curtain to prevent this from happening in the future.