In a highly suspicious story out of Chicago, IL, 28-year-old Bella Goodman was out shopping for groceries when she made the spontaneous decision to buy herself flowers. However, after getting home and seeing the flowers in their vase, Bella couldn’t help but wonder if there was some underlying guilt driving the purchase.
“I don’t know, it was just so out of the blue,” she explained to reporters. “I just can’t help but wonder if I wronged myself in some way that drove me to buy myself flowers out of guilt.”
As much as she wanted to blindly trust herself, Bella said she couldn’t help but do some digging.
“I don’t want to be the kind of girl that doesn’t trust herself,” she said. “But I can’t relax until I get to the bottom of this.”
However, after rifling through old journal entries, revisiting to do lists gone by, and reviewing past text conversations, Bella feels like she may have violated a certain level of trust with herself.
“I always told myself I’d never judge myself for how I sound when I write in my journal,” she said. “But I sound really stupid and lame and it’s hard not to take notice of that.”
In spite of her ample investigations and subsequent misgivings about her first-person voice, Bella is still no closer to uncovering what she could’ve done to stir up so much internal guilt and shame that she would be driven to buy herself flowers.
“I don’t even like flowers!” she said. “Do I even know me? Or was this an intentional slight designed to fracture my already fragile self-perception? God, I am one conniving bitch.”
As of press time, Bella had decided it didn’t matter whether or not she had only purchased herself the flowers out of guilt, as they were a misguided and, honestly, fucked up gift, anyway.
“I’m going no-contact with myself for the time being,” Bella said. “No more journaling, no more self-reflection. It’s the only way. I’m still really embarrassed about how I sounded in my journal entries.”
