Some people are born with sophistication, and some have sophistication thrust upon them. 22-year-old Kayla Noknoi plans to sniff her way into sophistication at the wine tasting she’s currently attending, as she daintily smells the wine cork, hoping that that’s something people do.
“I’m detecting notes of…rubber and a hint of lingonberries, perhaps?” Kayla was heard telling those around her before taking another deep whiff of the cork. “Maybe even some elderflower. It’s just so fragrant, the cork really brings out all the levels.”
Kayla later told reporters she had no idea whether any of those words were true but hopes that she pulled them off.
“No, I don’t know how to ‘taste wines,’ I still buy my wine by the box!” said the social media intern. “When my friends said ‘wine-tasting,’ I thought they meant, ‘Let’s get day drunk!’ Once I realized that they literally wanted to taste wines, it was too late to leave. So I just saw the cork and I went for it.”
Sources report that once Kayla sniffed one cork, she committed to the bit and sniffed each wine’s cork as the tasting went on, going so far as to also bite down on the last few like an old-timey pawn shop owner checking the validity of a gold coin.
“It turns out the corks weren’t even real cork, they were synthetic corks, so I actually did smell rubber! Who knew my nose palate was that refined?” Kayla said. “It kind of felt like a ‘fake-it-’til-you-make-it’ situation, and it looks like I faked my way into being a good wine taster.”
“Yeah, I don’t think anyone was fooled by her cork sniffing,” said Kayla’s friend Jennifer. “I just assumed she had a sniffing tic or something? Plus, she said ‘nose palate’ a few times, which kind of gave it away.”
However, Kayla told reporters she plans on continuing her DIY wine tasting education with other avant-garde methods such as holding her head back, gargling the wine, and dabbing it on her wrist like perfume.
“Sure, I’m still at the age where I like my alcohol to not taste like alcohol at all, but I can distinguish a Franzia Sunset Blush from a Crisp White with my eyes closed any day, so I’m sure I’ll be a real summer-ler-air in no time!”
As of press time, reporters did not have the heart to tell Kayla it was “sommelier.”
