In a developing story out of Philadelphia, PA, Ariana Davies claims that she knows precisely what she would say in response to the interviewer’s question on the podcast she’s currently listening to.
“When I heard the podcast host ask their guest, ‘What has been on your mind recently that you want to share with listeners?’ I knew exactly what I’d say,” Ariana told reporters. Unfortunately for Ariana, she’s out walking her dog in Philly, not sitting in a podcast studio in Los Angeles in 2018.
“It’s just so frustrating,” Ariana continued. “I have the perfect response that I know their listeners would appreciate. ‘It’s crazy how days are long but weeks are short’ – that’s gold, right? They totally should’ve invited me on their podcast instead of Shania Twain.”
Sources confirm that Ariana always feels this way, regardless of which podcast she’s listening to.
“One time I heard her listening to the NPR Up First podcast in her room,” said Ariana’s roommate, Quinn Plaza. “After the hosts finished reporting on the day’s news, I heard her say, out loud, ‘I was going to say that’ and ‘You forgot about the weather!’ I’m not sure why she thinks she can do journalists’ jobs better than them, but apparently, she does.”
Ariana maintains that it doesn’t matter whether she’s listening to a news report or a true crime series – she always has the perfect response stored in her back pocket.
“If I were on an interview-style podcast and they asked me what the worst part of being a celebrity was, I would just be like, ‘I’m not a celebrity, ask me a different question.’ But instead, they have an actual celebrity on the podcast fumbling around for a half-hour to come up with something relatable to say about getting followed by paparazzi. It’s like, sheesh, pass the mic!”
When asked if she would like to eventually be invited on one of the dozens of podcasts she listens to, even though she’s a complete nobody and an expert in nothing, Ariana was notably less enthused.
“I’m not saying I want to be invited on these podcasts,” she said. “I’m just saying that if I were invited on one, my answer would be so clever and thoughtful and impressive and everyone listening would be like, ‘Wow, she’s super smart and interesting!’”
At press time, Ariana was explaining to reporters how if she were invited on the Pod Save America podcast, she would say something like, “I don’t really know politics, but I do know people.”
