Lots of people think that a trauma response is easy to spot, but I’ve found that there isn’t a lot of information out there about the kind I deal with most often, which is my absolute refusal to pay taxes.
During my childhood, I dealt with a lot of trauma that resulted in trust issues, inability to focus, and recurring nightmares. However, I never would have thought that my resistance to pay my taxes would be something that I have to struggle with every day, especially on April 18th and the end of every tax quarter.
Maybe if I didn’t go through so much, then I’d actually be able to file my taxes. But since the damage has been done, I think it would be best for all of us to let each other heal in our own ways, and by that, I mean let me not face consequences for not paying my taxes.
Obviously, I’ve had some friction with the IRS because of this, since they aren’t very informed on how trauma is stored in the body and my own fingers whenever I open up TurboTax. That’s why, whenever I get a call from debt collectors, I try to educate them by telling them the things my therapist told me about forgiveness and letting go, and letting me go, specifically.
Throughout all of these teaching moments, I’ve realized that the general population doesn’t realize that the trauma response of not paying your taxes affects thousands of people in the U.S., including me. But this symptom of my own trauma has successfully taken over my life.
I haven’t paid my taxes for five years, ever since I was legally required to do so. Yeah, that’s how bad my trauma is. And some people might think that I’m “making it up” or “deliberately refusing to pay my taxes”, but why would I go through having collectors call me all the time just to keep more of my money? Let’s think about it, people. It just doesn’t make sense.
Sure, many other people refuse to pay their taxes out of their own selfish greed, but that just isn’t me. If I hadn’t gone through my parents’ divorce at such a young age, then I would be gladly paying my taxes. Sorry, but I just don’t have that kind of privilege!
So next time you try to shame someone for not paying their taxes, take a second and think about whether they’re doing it for their own gain, or if their past prohibits them from doing so. Also, you should help them hide from the government.
