Why I’m Getting Off Facebook But Staying On My High Horse

Social media is more upsetting than ever these days. It’s all too easy to sit at our computers and mindlessly refresh our own feeds, scrolling past tragedies, articles detailing new political nightmares, and albums of a high school friend’s weddings. None of it seems like a worthwhile use of my time anymore and that’s why I’m getting off Facebook for good. That’s right: I’m deleting my Facebook, but I plan to stay on my high horse.


Just because I’m offline, doesn’t mean I can’t retain my sense of superiority.


You see, Facebook only serves as a distraction from the real world. Instead of going out and actually engaging in activism with members of their community, many people feel satisfied simply sharing an Op-Ed or signing a petition to prevent the polar bears from drowning in Coca-Cola. But not me, not anymore. I am leaving Facebook because it’s too much “slacktivism”—an opinion I plan to maintain long after my profile is gone.


In fact, I decided to quit Facebook yesterday after reading an article about the dangerous mental health effects of too much time spent on social media. For example, did you know that Facebook can encourage a type of thinking called “compare and despair,” in which you ogle at how amazing your friends’ lives are, then despair you’ll never accomplish anything as amazing in comparison? It’s just so toxic! In fact, I’m going to tell everyone I know how big a mistake they’re making in person, since I no longer have the ability to write a 1,000 word status anymore. It’s just so important for me to retain a feeling of moral dominance over my friends, even if I’m not retaining a Facebook profile.



Incidentally, another benefit to being offline is finding more creative ways to achieve that moral dominance in real life. I only deactivated my account a week ago and already I’ve become much more active in my son’s PTA meetings, where I’ve managed to get not only one, but two teachers fired for not paying enough special attention to Braedan! And to think—I’d never have ruined both their lives if I were still wasting my precious time on Facebook playing Farmville for eight hours every night.


So follow my example and get off Facebook right now! I promise you won’t regret it. I certainly don’t, and if I don’t then nobody else should, because my opinion matters a lot. And I don’t need the validation from a bunch of “likes,” “loves,” or “wows” to tell me that!