Why I Stopped Composting and Started Shitting in My Yard

I’ve always done my part to conserve resources and live sustainably, but now that we’re starting to see the drastic effects of climate change in our daily lives, I’ve doubled down on my efforts to save the environment. That’s why I decided to stop wasting my time with composting and start directly shitting in my backyard.


I’ve been composting ever since I can remember, but it’s always been a hassle to separate all of my recyclables and put the right things into the compost bin. But one day when I had the runs and couldn’t make it all the way to the bathroom, I had an epiphany: Why should I waste all of this precious fertilization material by flushing it down the toilet, when I could put it directly into my yard?


Suddenly, composting became as easy as pie.


After a few years of shitting in my backyard, I realized that I didn’t even need to compost anymore. I was fertilizing the earth just by making an average of three bowel movements a day (I eat a lot of raw veggies), and I’m not sure if other self-proclaimed “environmentalists” can say the same.


Plus, I save so much money on my water bill and compost bin now! I honestly couldn’t be happier.



And sure, I’ve received countless complaints from my neighbors who have a direct view of my yard, and shitting ass, but it’s nothing compared to the positive impact I’m making on the planet. So what if all of my neighbors ignore me now when they see me on the sidewalk? I’m still saving the earth all by myself, one dookie at a time.


I actually don’t even recycle anymore! I just throw everything in the trash now because my daily yard shits offset all of the negative impacts from the ever-growing landfills and trash burning that plague this world. It may be shocking, but it’s true.


Shitting in my backyard instead of composting was the best thing I ever did for my wallet, the environment, and my own carbon footprint, and I’d highly recommend it to anyone who wants to make a difference in the world. Also, my yard looks amazing (minus all the shit)!