Why Bitch Will Get Hers, According to Science

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When it comes to big life issues, guesswork and superstition just won’t cut it, especially for major questions like why bitch will get hers. That’s when we turn to the pros to explain to us, in scientific terms, why bitch is about to get burned.


“There are a lot of common misconceptions about why bitch will get hers,” explains Dr. Laura Egans, professor of psychology at the University of Michigan and an expert in why bitch will get hers. “People will tell you that bitch will get hers because the universe is unfair or because the system is rigged. This is not, the case. Bitch will get hers because, as scientific evidence has confirmed, bitch has it coming.”


A study of 20 individuals at the Tri-Delta annual picnic brunch produced fascinating insights into who gets things, what bitch will get them and why. The subjects were a mix of bitch and a non-bitch control group. Close observations revealed that bitch gets things, and what which bitch will get was indeed coming and undoubtedly belongs to her.



Bitch after bitch suffered some form of “getting hers” in the course of the study, whether it was a broken heel, an unreciprocated text, or a chorus of “oh nothing” when bitch asked the group what they were just talking about. The degree of which bitch has it coming varies depending on “how much bitch was asking for it.”


When it comes to why bitch will get hers, according to Dr. Egans. the results are clear: “Bitch is a bitch.”


Nearly every expert we spoke to says to trust the pros when it comes to knowing that bitch has it coming. Wild speculation could lead you way off the mark, so stick to tried and tested scientific explanations of bitch’s behavior.