It’s summer, which means it’s time to go BOY CRAZY! There are plenty of eligible men to choose from in the pool of people you already know, especially since your boyfriend is starting to bore you and also has a ton of hot buddies! So break out those binoculars and reapply your lip gloss because it’s time to decide which of your boyfriend’s friends is right for you!
William, 30
You’ve known William was a catch ever since his wedding. The way he looked in that rented tux. The way he danced with his mother to Paul Simon’s “Loves Me Like a Rock.” To quote that woman in the white dress who was on him all freaking night, “Bill is a generous and humble man. I’m so lucky to share the rest of my life with him.” Take her word for it and try to spend 15 minutes with him in their laundry room.
Glen, 28
The leader and so-called “dungeon master” of the group, Glen’s a grown-ass man with a real job and an imaginary light saber. He’s handsome in that “sandwich stain on his shirt” way. Not many men can pull off a ponytail like Glen. But he can. Oh, yes, Glen can. His alter ego is an elf that shoots arrows straight into your heart.
Bobby, 15
Technically your boyfriend’s cousin, there is something irresistible about this scrappy young buck. He plays varsity soccer, holds a sweet part-time job at Pizzamania, and plays sax in a ska band named This Skamerican Life (so you know he’s good with that mouth). Unfortunately, he’s underage in all 50 states, so this one is probably a no-go. Still, it’s nice to have options!
Jeppe, 29
The mystery man with a slight accent from god-knows-where, you know Jeppe the least of all of your BF’s friends. But with all that silence, you know he’s a sensitive soul and a good listener. Like that one time when you asked him if he wanted a bottle of water and he said, “Thank you.” SPLOOOSH!
Wolfman, age unknown
He’s a real asshole and maybe an actual drifter, but did you see him with his shirt off at Dave’s pool party? HO-LY-COW. Who knew a life-size snake tattoo could be so ripped? If you aren’t uptight about things like sleeping in a truck or hep C, Wolfman could be the man for you.
Whomever you choose, just know each of these eligible bachelors are much better than your dum-dum boyfriend!
