Christmas Light Displays That Let Your Neighbors Know You’re Not Fucking Around This Year

Whatever you think is a normal amount of bedazzling, multiply it by 35. Go ahead. Fucking do it. Dangle those shitty little white icicles around your porch until it’s transformed into an utter cataclysm of light. This will let neighbors know you don’t just celebrate Christmas; you fucking live for it. And you’ll die for it, too. Adorn your door with dozens of highly flammable tinsel wreaths to really get your point across: every month aside from December can suck it, because this is the one and only time a year you’re allowed to turn your home into a savagely bright wonderland, where no human shall pass for they shall get burned by the fiery light of your display.