Dating apps can be misleading – sometimes you match with a guy who looks really tall and handsome in his profile pic, but in real life has actually just been born from a flower and is actually the tiny fairytale princess Thumbelina. Here’s what to do when the guy you thought was 6’5” turns out to be sprouted from a barleycorn seed and goes on adventures in the forest.
Place Her In a Walnut Shell Cradle
Though your date turned out to be Thumbelina, resist the urge to end things immediately and instead take the time to place her in a beautiful and tiny walnut shell cradle. You might be thinking, “But she tricked me with her profile picture!” which you have every right to find upsetting. However, she is smaller and more scared of you than you are of her. Sprouting from a flower takes a toll, so why not extend the simple courtesy of allowing her to sleep in a walnut you’ve hollowed out? Kindness goes a long way!
Set Her Up With a Marriage-minded Toad
Just because you weren’t expecting your date to be a small princess from a fairytale, doesn’t mean she’s not right for someone else. If you think she’s cool, why not set her up with a toad? They’re roughly the same size and both creatures of the forest. Plus, toads exude a calm strength, which is the perfect balance for a flower child’s delicate nature. If they hit it off, you and Thumbelina can even become friends without things getting weird!
Send Her Home On a Lily Pad
Someone being the size of a mini muffin should not prevent you from being respectful. If Thumbelina’s had too many water droplets to drink and is now full enough she’s tipping over, make sure you get her home safely by sending her down the river. A buoyant lily pad will guarantee she’s dropped off right where she belongs – back in the heart of the forest. At the bare minimum, place her on the dashboard of a Lyft and let her direct the driver back to her enchanted wood.
Just Get the Check
It goes without saying you should obviously just get the check. Thumbelina didn’t unfurl from a flower holding a wallet, and she probably didn’t eat anything anyway. This date’s all on you!
Going out with a guy who looked tall but is actually Thumbelina happens to everyone. It’s not the worst thing, but you do want to prepare yourself with this helpful guide to kernel-sized princesses!
