Are you tired of heartless, superficial vibrators that only want you for sex? Check out this definitive list of the hottest up-and-coming sex toys that will love you for your unique personality and cute little quirks, without going straight for that sweet, tight vag of yours:
Vibe-man 2000
Now this is a vibrator you can count on for support through good times and bad. Like its namesake, the Vibe-man 2000 will pick up on all your vibes, lend a supportive shoulder, and never leave you hanging emotionally after sex. We especially recommend this model for anyone on the rebound from the Vibatron. V-man knows how that robotic player treated you, and is here to listen to all your complex post-orgasmic emotions.
The Tahachi Vibrating Egg
This vibrator is the kind of trustworthy sweetheart you can take home for the holidays. Its subtle design and consistent performance make this model a perfect fit to meet the family. Hook up with the Tahachi this summer and by Thanksgiving your mother will be saying things like, “I found this in the guest bathroom this morning,” and “I put over it by your cell phone. Is it a Bluetooth?” Oh yeah, he nailed it!
Mega Magic Massager
When it comes down to it, we all just want a little magic in our lives. The Mega Magic Massager will work your shoulders and back muscles before heading to V-town so that you are guaranteed to feel the spark, because you deserve someone who appreciates you for you, even if it’s just a vibrating dick. (Fun tip: This model is also great for Harry Potter-inspired role play!)
Passion Bullet
The Passion Bullet will ride into your life on a beautiful white horse. No doubt about it, the PB is that perfect blend of sweet and seductive that will make you fall in love. It’s hard to put it into words, but there’s a real palpable chemistry between you two. You can have passion with love, and now, you can have it with this vibrator.
Fungasm for Ladies
Everyone loves the funny guy, but does the funny guy always get you back by laughing at your jokes? The Fungasm is that rare sex toy that knows your silly side and loves you for it. Its many attachments and extra pieces are fun for every erogenous zone! You’ll be coming here often. Am I right, ladies?
Don’t sacrifice your happiness, honey. You don’t have to settle for that hot vibrator with no personality or emotional depth. You are beautiful and lovable. With these sweet, sensitive options, you can be filled and fulfilled.
