The average woman spends most of her sex-life feigning interest in it. But sex isn’t the only life experience where you have to pretend you’re enjoying yourself. As a woman, you’re used to ‘faking it to make it’ in the bedroom, so why not harness your convincing enthusiasm and fake it in other areas of your life?
Get Fluffed at Work
In order to avoid sadistically murdering half of the people in your next board meeting, try thinking about the last time you had a one-night-stand. If you can genuinely moan a strangers name during sex that’s so uncomfortable you feel like you might poop, then yes, you can feign interest in your married coworker’s newest Pinterest discovery. Just start gradually moaning “Yeah!” like you do during sex that you know in no way will end in an orgasm. At the very least, you’ll seem interested!
On the Cusp at Family Dinner
Your family is always on your case about coming over for Sunday dinner, but you’d rather be out at a bar drinking fancy drinks. How do you show them that you really love them without totally killing their family boner? Next time your mom calls, just start whispering “I’m gonna come, I’m gonna come, I’m gonna come,” until she starts to believe you. Much like with real sex, you’ll probably never come, but at least it’ll give her the beacon of hope she needs to make it through the week.
Here it comes, Baby!
Does your friend have a an ugly, insufferable baby? Maybe it cries at the thought of you touching it, but your friend hands the bundle of sadness to you anyway. Can’t make a genuine compliment about how adorable he is? Take a deep breath, look at the ceiling and start screaming, ‘FUCK, FUCK, FUCK,’ as the baby begins to cry. Explain to your friend that you are simply amazed at the miracle of newborn life. The baby might cry louder, but your friend will feel validated by your excessive joy as your eyes widen in mock ecstasy.
Don’t like what you see when you’re looking at yourself in the mirror every morning? Just tense up your body for a few seconds and fall limp with a sigh. You might just find yourself convinced that you’re attractive, just like that ugly guy you brought home last month was convinced you found him attractive. Problem solved!