A Homemaker’s Guide to Thinking about Maybe Wanting to Have Sex

Wanting to have sex can be hard. But the more you make time to think about it, the more likely that someday you might actually want to have sex! Here are some helpful tips on how to take a breath, step back from your busy life, and make time to think about wanting to have sex.

Starch and Iron Your Sexy Outfit

There is nothing sexy about a wrinkled black dress, but there is tons of sexy found in ironing it! What could get you hotter than a steel iron coursing across the dress that sometimes makes you feel like a sexual being? Pro tip: grab your starch and spray the heck out of your dress to get that ‘itch’ factor on high. You’ll be ripping it off so fast, you may end up thinking about what powerful sexual urges used to feel like!

Clean Your Bathtub for When You Might Want to Take a Bath

Turn up the music and turn on the lights so you can find missed spots from when you last cleaned your bathtub–which was approximately the last time you thought about wanting to have sex. A clean bathtub can make you that much more likely to get in that tub, relax, and think about maybe having sex with your husband later that night.


Think About Things You Usually Think About During Sex

Get yourself in the mood by thinking of things you typically do while having sex: like yard work, Cake Boss, or how yellowed the ceiling has become. Maybe you think of ways you could actually clean the ceiling! Whatever your taste, this automatic association can get you thinking about the general idea of the sex act with your man partner.

Alphabetize Your Pornography

Sometimes it’s stressful to get in the mood when your pornography collection, digital or analog, is out of order. How can you even think about getting in the mood if you can’t find your favorite softcore classic with a really good story? Don’t have any porno lying around? Organize your regular DVD collection while thinking about all the sex you would think about while watching the entirety of Braveheart with your husband.

Look at How Much Fun Your Cat is Having

Put aside those dirty diapers and take a look at your beautiful cat. Most people don’t like to think of their pets as sexual, nevermind sensual, beings, but they are! Pet your cat and look at how much she enjoys it. You might end up thinking of how much you would enjoy it if you were being pet by a male human.