In a story of love and loss emerging from Memphis, TN, 24-year-old Lena Reese is finally in a supporting, loving relationship, and as a result, she’s slowly coming to the realization that the rest of her life is bad.
Oops! Might be time to self-sabotage that love life as a distraction again!
“I’ve been in on-again-off-again relationships and situationships that have ruined my life for years,” Lena told reporters gathered at the scene. “My love life has always been in shambles, but now that it’s pretty stable, I’m realizing everything else is actually in shambles. Cruel twist of fate, huh?”
Cruel, indeed!
Sources confirm Lena put so much time and effort into finding love that she never really looked up to notice she kind of hates her job and lacks broader purpose. Now that she and her girlfriend Yamini Sanders are doing better than ever, though, she has nothing but time to think about everything else she’s fucking up.
“I think I hate my apartment? Yeah, I definitely hate my apartment,” she continued, seemingly playing a game of question-and-answer with herself. “I was so busy trying to parse through whether my feelings of jealousy in my last situationship were ‘valid but not fair’ or ‘fair but not valid’ that I never noticed I hate my apartment.”
In addition to hating her apartment, Lena has realized she feels insufficiently close to her mother and doesn’t exercise all that much.
“How are things going with Lena? Oh, awesome!” Yamini chimed in. “I mean, awesome in a relationship sense. She might be depressed and also clinically anxious and is going to start taking some classes to find her passion. Turns out all the relationship drama was a distraction from the fact that she is wholly unhappy.”
Sources close to Lena confirm that she did expect being in a loving relationship to solve all her problems, even though that sounds kind of dumb when you think about it.
“Should I just do something crazy to put an end to this misery?” Lena asked, eyes darting around. By “this misery” she appeared to be referring to her beautiful and steadfast love. “Should I blow it all up just to make things interesting again?”
As of press time, Lena and Yamini got into their first fight, which should distract her from being undervalued at work, at least for a few weeks. Congrats, girl!
