In a devastating story of betrayal emerging from a cafe equidistant between you and your friend Eileen, the two of you met up to “do work” – a common cause – but like some sort of psychopath, Eileen is genuinely working.
What the fuck? Doesn’t she know that’s not how this works?
Sources confirm you and Eileen shared a short series of texts about coworking today in which you said you “definitely have to get some work done,” and she agreed. You then decided to meet up, but as you put your stuff down and ordered a drink, you returned to the table only to find a horrifying sight – Eileen was actually working. Earphones in and everything.
“Right away? We haven’t even gabbed yet,” you whispered to reporters in the bathroom, where you’d come to clear your head following such a blatant betrayal of trust. “Sure, a cursory gab could lead to a more in-depth gab, but that’s the whole point!”
Reporters investigating the incident confirmed that prior to arriving at the cafe, you even emphasized the message where Eileen said, ‘No seriously. I have to do work.’
“That’s just common courtesy!” you offered in your own defense. “Sometimes I just say shit! I didn’t realize she could be so cold…”
As you returned to the table, you sighed really loudly and cleared your throat a few times, but none of this seemed to have any effect on Eileen, who was visibly locked in to her tasks. You then took to waving your hands in front of her computer screen in a last-ditch attempt to get her attention.
“Oh, sorry!” she said, smiling and removing an earbud. “Did you need something? Was I typing too loud?”
“I was just wondering how things are with Devon,” you continued, trying to spark conversation organically.
“So sweet of you to ask,” she replied, still typing while speaking to you. “Really good!”
She then unceremoniously put her earbud back in and returned to the work she was doing. You made a face at reporters that suggested, “Are you guys seeing this shit?” but they didn’t like that you were trying to rope them into it considering they honestly were on Eileen’s side.
As of press time, you got so bored of waiting on Eileen to gossip with you that you decided there was nothing left to do but complete your tasks. Sources confirm it was the most productive two hours of your life.
