Sometimes your regular stylist goes out of town or her son gets in trouble for cheating on the SATs, and you gotta go with a newbie. We all know the trepidation that comes with the uncharted waters of a new hairstylist; there are just so many ways it can go horribly wrong. While we always hope for the best, here is a helpful guide for those times that the hairstylist totally bombs and you need to fake-smile about it, at least until you get back to the private cry-palace of your car. Here are a few of our favorite things that can ease the sting of your ugly, ugly head.
The Fantasy of Eating a Whole Cinnabon By Yourself
You know the temptation well: You walk by the mall food court and see gooey frosting melting on the top of that 900-calorie diet-ruiner. Suddenly your mouth is watering like Niagara Falls. Next time you come out the other side of a blow-dry looking like the unholy child of a newscaster and a mannequin, just think about giving into the king of all carb delights. The idea alone is sure to put a smile on your face long enough for you to hand over that obligatory tip.
The Memory of That Bra That Was Super Comfortable AND Made Your Tits Look Awesome
Every woman has owned one of these rare treasures at some point in her life. You recall it with immense fondness even after the washing machine eventually sends it to the great lingerie-resting place in the sky. Count on the memory of this treasured piece of apparel for a genuine enough-looking smile the next time your coif has somehow been cut too short and too long.
The Image of Tom Hiddleston’s Bare Ass in Crimson Peak
Even if ghost horror films are not your thing, Crimson Peak was definitely worth the price of admission just for that delicious view of surprisingly sexy nerdbait Tom Hiddleston’s rear end. It is an image fondly seared into the brain of everyone who saw the movie and happens to dig actors who exclusively star in sci-fi flicks. If that’s you, then keep this scene close at hand when the stylist gives you the hand-held mirror and spins you around. It might be your saving grace in the event your haircut is its own sci-fi marvel.
The Day Your Best Friend Finally Broke Up With Her Douchey Ex
Just reflect on what a jolly treat it was when she finally woke up to what a ginormous knob he was and you didn’t have to pretend to like a guy who still has a CD tower in his den anymore. The freedom to rag on that epic douche always puts a smile on your face—even when the colorist accidentally goes three shades too light.
That Time Your Parents Forgot to Tell You Everything You Are Doing Wrong With Your Life
While bagging on your ever-decreasing life prospects is a family tradition, you can always look back on that one time your parents inexplicably bypassed their not-so-subtle digs at your continuing menial service employment. It was the rare, never to be repeated, perfect family gathering full of free booze and judging other relative’s poor life choices for once. Always good for a bit of smile-inducing nostalgia when you suddenly have the haircut of a runaway teen.
Not all hairstylists can be Gina, who always gets it exactly right. But when you can’t have Gina, a fake smile is the next best thing.
