In an inspiring story of leaning into the things you love, 25-year-old Fiona Leon has finally decided to quit smoking weed and start exclusively taking edibles because she loves to be surprised, specifically by getting way higher than she expected over an indeterminate time frame.
Good for you, girl! Embrace the unknown!
“I used to smoke every day, and I knew it wasn’t very good for my lungs,” she told reporters gathered at the scene. “But more importantly, there was just no razzle dazzle. There was no suspense. I would smoke and immediately get high – where was the intrigue?”
Fiona claimed smoking weed was “boring” and “mundane,” whereas every experience she’s had with edibles “feels like walking into a human cannon and not knowing when you’re going to be shot out.”
What an apt description!
With edibles, Fiona said she finally gets the element of surprise that she so craves: “I just love the feeling of being like, ‘Wait, am I high right now? No. How about now?’” she continued. “Plus, by the time I actually do get high off of an edible, I’ve forgotten that I took one in the first place, so it feels like I’m being raptured. And if I assume it isn’t working and take a second edible, I get higher than I ever could have imagined. Now, that’s the kind of experience I love!”
“Contrary to popular belief, the best part of taking an edible isn’t ‘getting high,’” said local weed dispensary operator Tyler Hammond. “It’s the renewed sense that our world is full of wonder, that the joy of life lies in the unknown, that anything could happen at any given moment.”
Reporters took a break to ponder this and stare at leaves rustling in the wind.
Doctors confirmed that giving up smoking is, indeed, better for Fiona’s lungs, while the suspense element of edibles is likely good for keeping her central nervous system active and alert.
“I’ve always loved surprise parties and horror movies,” Fiona continued. “Why should my weed be any different? I love to live in fear!”
As of press time, Fiona has also decided to give up drinking beer, wine, and any common cocktails in favor of extremely strong Old Fashioneds.
“Old Fashioneds are like edibles in the sense that I’ll drink a single one, not think much of it, then look up and realized I’m drunk as fuck,” she continued. “What a beautiful way to live!”
