The Best Scrambled Egg Recipe That We Can’t Believe You’re Really Clicking on Right Now

Hey! So, like, nothing weird here, but…we’re just surprised you clicked on this article. You’re gonna read an entire article about scrambled eggs? About how to make scrambled eggs? Really? We’d think you’d have kinda figured that one out by now. Anyway, since you’re here, we might as well show you how to make THE BEST scrambled eggs EVER. Even though, like, they’re just scrambled eggs.


First, decide how many eggs you want. One large egg has around 70 calories, so for a filling meal we say go for two to three, depending on your size and hunger. But since you aren’t 100% confident on your ability to make scrambled eggs to the point that you clicked on a how-to, you probably can’t make decisions easily without help, so let’s just tell you to make two. Make two eggs.


Sorry to sound condescending, but like, yeah. You’re here right now so I guess we’ll just make the best of it.


You’re gonna need two tablespoons of butter, a splash of milk, and salt and pepper to taste. These are all things you should have in your kitchen. If you cannot find these things in your kitchen, that means you have to purchase them. You can purchase all of these things at a store, with money. We’re not trying to be meanies; we’re just really not sure if you know these things since you’re still reading.


The next pretty obvious step is to get a heavy skillet or nonstick pan warmed up. Not too hot, though; that would burn the eggs! Try your best to get it on a medium heat, and throw in your butter to melt down and coat the pan. Your parents/legal guardians never taught you this? A little bizarre, but let’s keep moving!


Find a clean bowl and put your eggs inside of it, one by one. Oh, yeah—eggs have that hard shell on the outside, which you don’t wanna eat! Crack ‘em open carefully and make sure no shell gets inside the bowl (We’re gonna assume there will still be some in there, in your case.)!



Next, rapidly whisk your eggs, salt, pepper, and milk together to get a lot of air into your mixture. This is the key to fluffy eggs! If you stir too hard and some of the mixture flies out of the bowl onto the floor, we can’t say we’d be surprised. Just go to the top of this article and start again!


Still with us? What the fuck.


Once whipped, pour the eggs into the hot pan, and continuously move the mixture around with a spatula until firm peaks begin to appear. Keep stirring… and before you know it, you’ll have perfect, fluffy scrambled eggs! Don’t eat them out of the pan, however—too hot! Instead, transfer this onto a plate, and eat them with a fork! (The fork with eggs on it goes into your mouth.)


These awesome scrambled eggs would go great with a slice of toast, which is just a piece of bread warmed until it is crispy. Most people use a toaster for this! Ask your mom if it’s okay for you to eat gluten.


All judgments aside (there’s a few for sure), we hope this easy, fun recipe helped you in your endeavor to make this fundamental, extremely simple breakfast dish!


Christ, you read the whole thing? Seriously? Maybe you should just go to a diner and order some scrambled eggs cause you’re probably going to fuck this up somehow if you’ve lasted this long.