The 10 Most Fuckable Balloons in This Year’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade

Like any good Elf on the Shelf, he doesn’t have a name yet. He’s patiently waiting for someone to call it out while he’s doin' the thing that makes her cheeks as rosy as his. No touching until December 24th, though; that's the rule. But once you start, he’ll be holding those knees up, ready for whatever weird stuff you wanna try. Spend Advent season whispering your Christmas wishes into those twinkly eyes, and come Christmas day, he'd know just what to give you, whether you’ve been naughty or nice.