Study Finds You Can Just Buy a Toblerone if You Want To

scientists in a lab, picture of toblerone in corner

A recent study out of New York University has concluded after years of research that you can just buy a Toblerone if you want to.


“This result came as a surprise to all of us, but we’re excited to share it with the world,” said team leader Dr. Meera Khan. “We think a lot of lives could change if more people felt liberated and empowered to buy themselves Toblerone.”


And Dr. Khan wasn’t the only one taken aback by these findings.


“Buy it, like, at the store?” says Rachel Wilson. “It’s going to take me some time to wrap my head around this. My mom always gave us Toblerones on Christmas, but I don’t think you can just buy it for yourself.”


“I mean, maybe you could get one at the airport or something, you know an extreme circumstance,” Wilson adds. “But to just casually go and buy a Toblerone right now? I mean, could I really?”


Wilson’s incredulity, Dr. Khan assures us, is expected, but the results of the study were determined through exhaustive and definitive research and analysis.



“The first phase of research was more theoretical — painstakingly running every possible outcome with countless variables,” says Dr. Khan. “Then we got it on the ground, having members of the team going out and attempting to just buy a Toblerone.”


“We found that 100% of the time, if the grocery store, corner store, or pharmacy you’re in has Toblerone, and most of them do, you can just buy it,” Dr. Khan adds. “In fact, I bought some at my bodega, and the guy didn’t even ask me what the occasion was or anything. He just sold it to me like it was a Snickers.”


The demystifying results indicate that the iconic, triangular nougat and almond flecked chocolate bar is basically just candy you could purchase if you want.


“It costs, like, $2,” says Dr. Khan. “And it tastes so good. You can just get it and enjoy it. You have that power, we all do.”


When asked if she’ll be taking advantage of this newfound ability to simply get oneself a Toblerone, Dr. Khan didn’t hesitate.


“No,” she says. “Our study determined you can technically buy a Toblerone, but, I mean, to me that’s still insane.”