A study out of the University of Los Angeles Department of Aviation has confirmed that if you walked to your first destination, such as a party or bar, that selfless act has saved you enough money that you’re actually allowed to take a plane back to your apartment.
“We’ve heard widespread talk of the ‘walk there, Uber back’ philosophy,” said Lead Researcher Mary Phillips. “But our research found that we can actually take this a step further. If you walked all the way there, you deserve to kick up your feet and relax on a state-of-the-art Boeing 737 and let it fly you directly to your bed.”
They’ve coined this the “Taylor Swift metric,” named for the woman who pioneered taking really short flights for kind of no reason.
“We crunched the number vigorously and surveyed thousands, if not dozens, of transportation professionals,” Mary continued. “Everyone agreed that from an energy efficiency standpoint, you totally deserve this.”
Rather than spending all that effort calling a car or taking the bus to a second location, the study found it is much more reasonable to treat yourself to a one- to two-minute-long flight. They added the caveat that depending on your method of transport – commercial airline, private jet, or helicopter – these times may vary by up to 30 seconds.
Following the publication of the study, airline owners leapt into action to start offering never-before seen routes, starting with New York-based routes like “Crown Heights to Bushwick” within Brooklyn and “3rd street to 5th street” in Manhattan.
American Airlines is even offering a “choose your own route” plan, where you can mark a specific starting and ending location as long as you’re traveling with at least one friend.
“We’re in Beta testing for an ‘American Airlines Pool’ plan, too,” said AA representative Shelly McEntire. “For the times you don’t quite have $5000 to spare, but you could swing $2000 if someone else is along your route.”
The National Air Traffic Controllers Association responded to a request for comment, saying, “Wait, what?”
“The ‘walk there, plane back’ philosophy does expand beyond regional trips, though,” Mary continued. “For example, if you go on a spring break trip to Mexico with some friends and walk all the way there, you’re definitely allowed to take a plane back.”
Reporters were a bit confused by this addition, as they could have sworn you were always allowed to take a plane back from Mexico.
