Sources report that Chicago resident Olive Esterman experienced her first taste of inner peace in months earlier today upon getting incredibly high and doing a menial task.
“When I first took five bong rips to the face, I thought I was going to watch a movie,” says Esterman. “I opened my laptop, but I never made it to Netflix.”
Instead, the blazed woman began sorting all of her already read emails into specific folders, and before long she entered a deeply meditative state unlike any she’d known since 2019.
“I made so many folders,” Esterman said. “Everything had a place. And there was no urgency to the situation whatsoever; I just slowly and rhythmically made my inbox a thing of gentle beauty.”
“I’m still kind of high,” Esterman adds.
However, the momentary reprieve from anxiety and the crushing weight of the world is, in Esterman’s view, now lost in time.
“Alas, nothing good can stay,” she says. “It’s a bliss that was gone as soon as I recognized it, by which I mean after about twenty minutes I got bored and started scrolling through Twitter, which immediately made me feel terrible.”
“I guess I just hope my email gets messy again soon,” Esterman adds. “Or maybe my roommate will let me alphabetize her books. Or maybe I can alphabetize all of our spices!”
Hey, whatever works!
