Need something to do while your hotter friend’s getting hit on and you’re not because of your lesser face and body? Don’t worry! Entertain yourself with these five solo drinking games. They’re usually played with other people but we modified them to be played by just you. So buy yourself a round of shots and enjoy your party of one! You might as well, because you don’t have ballerina legs and a Swedish milkmaid face like Jenna. Oh well, bottoms up!
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This game’s best played in a quiet room, like your bedroom, but you’re going to have to make it work in this club. Luckily, no one’s talking to you anyway; they’re talking to your hot bestie—or at least they were, until some guy in a polo shirt started telling her about the 401k he started for his pontoon. Anyway, say a category to start! For example “famous dogs”. Point to yourself and then go around in a circle, coming back to yourself, as you list anything within that category, such as “hot dog” or “Air Bud”. If you can’t think of anything, take thirteen shots. If no one notices what you’re doing because they’re not looking at you, because you look like a curtain in that Ikat print dress, take three shots and leave to go find a taco truck. Eat your taco while walking home. That last part’s not really part of the game but you should probably get out of there and let Jenna do her thing.
“I Never”
This game’s a lot like “Never Have I Ever,” except that you play it alone while surrounded by other people who aren’t paying attention to you. Start by saying something you’ve never done, such as, “Never have I ever been given the benefit of the doubt based on my appearance,” or, “Never have I ever pulled off flared pants like I’m some kind of editor at Vogue.” Got it? Good! Now, if you’ve never done the thing you just said, take a shot. If you have, that doesn’t make any sense. Take a few shots anyway, and then walk out of the club and try to find a Citibike so you can roll away from this whole situation. Go Jenna, though! Wow, she’s killing it!
Point the Bottle
This game’s like spin the bottle but instead of spinning the bottle you just point it at yourself. No surprises here—it’ll always be you! Find a closet and make out with yourself inside it for seven minutes. Don’t peek to see if that guy’s still focused on Jenna, because he will be—no matter what you do.
Beer Pong
This game’s nothing like the original. Instead of throwing ping-pong balls into Solo cups, throw one into Jenna’s mouth every time she laughs at something that guy Braeden or Brody or whatever says. After all, laughter doesn’t always equal tragedy plus time. Sometimes, it’s sex plus wanting someone to have sex with you! Each time the ball makes it into Jenna’s mouth, take a shot (there’s no beer in this game—shh!). If Barrett makes a joke and she doesn’t laugh, toss a ping-pong ball into your own mouth and then swallow it. If you choke on the ball, take a shot to help it go down. If you don’t choke on it, that’s pretty impressive. Take a shot and then try swallowing the glass to see if maybe you have some kind of talent. Very cool! Why do you do this to yourself though? Sweet Jenna would hate to see you hurting like this.
Bite the Bag
Put a bag on the floor. Then try to pick it up with just your mouth, which is only a 2/10 on the scale of mouth hotness anyway, so who cares you make it gross? Every time you bite the bag successfully, cut it down by one inch until you can wear the bag as a hat. Also, take a shot! If you fail to bite the bag, put it over your head instead and take a Lyft to the nearest Papa John’s where you can fall asleep in a booth. Maybe Jenna will meet up with you tomorrow morning after her night of hot, pretty-person sex.
Try these fun drinking games next time you go out with your stunning BFF!
