Sober Woman and Toddler Niece Both Drinking Juice and Getting Annoyed at Everyone

In a still developing story out of a family barbecue in Cleveland, OH, sober woman Tati Ehsan and her 3-year-old niece are both drinking cran-apple juice and getting annoyed at everyone else in attendance.


“This is one of my first family reunions since I stopped drinking three years ago, and it’s a little tough,” says Tati. “Don’t get me wrong, I feel secure in my sobriety, it’s just that everyone else is so fucking annoying. Except my niece, Ava.”


Witnesses report that 3-year-old Ava and 29-year-old Tati are both full of Ocean Spray and fielding soul-sucking questions such as, “How old are you now?”, “Do you have a boyfriend?”, and “What’s your favorite dinosaur?”


“I’ve been trying to explain to the middle-aged women in my family that it’s not okay to ask a little kid if she has a boyfriend; it’s creepy,” Tati says. “I’ve also been trying to explain that it’s not okay to ask me if I have a boyfriend, cause I don’t.”



We checked in with Ava to get her side of the story, but she simply groaned and pressed her face into her mother’s legs.


“I think she’s tired and coming down from the sugar rush of the juice,” says the toddler’s mom and Tati’s sister, Julia Ehsan. “And that goes for the both of them.”


“I do feel for those two,” Julia adds. “Our cousins and aunts and uncles get really drunk and insufferable at these things; I don’t think I’d survive it without the pen I’ve been hitting in the bathroom.”


“Of course, I can’t offer it up because it would be reckless endangerment of Tati’s sobriety and reckless endangerment in general of my child.”


At press time, Tati and Ava had both given up on socializing altogether, and were watching YouTube videos of slime being made on the toddler’s iPad.