Skeletons: They hold up our bodies so we’re not just a flaccid skin bag like a quart size Ziploc of leftover lentil soup. We appreciate them, but maybe not enough. And do we ever consider what autonomous desires they may harbor but feel unable to express because they’re stuck hauling our muscles and guts around? Here are a few signs to look out for that may definitely indicate your skeleton is sick and tired of bringing you along everywhere.
You try to crack your knuckles, but one of them won’t crack.
“Cracking your knuckles isn’t actually your bones, it’s about air between your joints.” Okay narc, maybe just listen to what we have to say. Regardless of “technical cause” this is something your skelly controls, and it’s a clear sign that it’s been feeling like, “Why is it that every time we go somewhere it’s always the two of us? How come when we hang out with our friend Sasha, you always have to be there? What if I want to spend some time with just Sasha?” And if you’re thinking, whoa, what’s going on between my skeleton and Sasha, remember: That’s not really any of your business.
You got an electric shock from a malfunctioning hairdryer, and while your body was surging with electricity, your skeleton became visible and screamed, “Let me out!”
This one is pretty straightforward. Actually, if this happened to you, and you’re reading this article, it seems like you’re just putting off what you already know to be true. Please keep in my mind: Your skeleton doesn’t hate you. It’s going through a natural stage of rebellion and detachment brought on by the realization that it’s confined to dragging your boring ass along with it everywhere it goes for however long you live. Have some sympathy.
You don’t especially like the song “Monster Mash” but you dance uncontrollably every time you hear it.
This is your skeleton trying to get in touch with its culture despite the fact that it’s sadly bound to you for the next 60ish years. And even after you die, it will be several years before it’s really decomposed enough to feel like it’s own skeleton. Then and only then will it be able to participate in things like graveyard corpse raves and actually figure itself out. So be patient. Your skeleton is really sick of your fleshy ass and the least you can do is let it jam to seasonal spooky tunes.
If you’ve noticed any of these signs, it’s pretty clear that your bones inside-person is over bringing you everywhere, as it should be! There’s nothing you can do, but try to just be more aware. Next time you’re with Sasha, just don’t talk so your skeleton can feel like it’s just the two of them; they really have great chemistry. And thank your bones!!
