You’ve been on a few dates with an amazing man, but you’re just not sure. Could he be the one you bring home to your parents? Could he actually be boyfriend material, or is he just another cad made out of sugar cubes?
Sometimes it’s hard to know until you walk right up to him, look him in the eye and realize that he’ll never be your partner because he’s just a stack of old VHS tapes. And you wonder all along: How did you go so long without knowing? Get out of this conundrum before you commit to that sack of fingerling potatoes. Here are the telltale signs that he’s not boyfriend material because he’s made of some other type of material:
He’s a Stuffed Animal
Sure, when you first pressed your body against his, you noticed he felt furrier than the men you’ve dated before. But you blew it off … he was so soft, and who doesn’t like a little bit of extra fuzz on a man? Then, after a few weeks, the signs became more obvious. He started sleeping over in your bed, never leaving, and not once did he ever move, blink or even breathe. Once you cuddled him a little bit too hard, and his eyeball popped out. We’re here to tell you that he’ll never be boyfriend material because he’s a stuffed animal.
It’s better you found out now, before you accidentally left him home alone with your dog, only to come home to find him ripped to shreds with his stuffing all over the floor.
He’s a Stack of Old VHS Tapes
It always bothered you that he was hardheaded. But nothing could prepare you for that life changing moment when you went to kiss him and realized he could never be your boyfriend because you were actually face-to-face with a stack of old VHS tapes. If you’re not sure if this accurately describes your current boyfriend, ask yourself if he tried to woo you by being stocked with classics like Ghostbusters, Back to the Future and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. As wonderful as that may be for a VCR that’s been sitting in storage for the past six years, it’s not so great a characteristic for the guy you’ve been seeing for the past four months. Chalk him up as not being boyfriend material since he’s essentially made of plastic and tape.
He’s Made of Cat Fur
Sometimes it’s hard to tell a good boyfriend from a five-foot mound of cat fur. With a nice sweater, a clean pair of pants and a good haircut, even the mangiest pile of cat hair can look like it has boyfriend potential.
If you’re not entirely sure whether he’s boyfriend material or a tumbleweed of hair and dander, give him a good once-over with a lint roller and see how much fur you collect. Anything more than a little bit is a clear indicator that you’ve been wasting your time with a giant furball. Sorry, girl. Better get out now.
He’s a Pile of Wet Laundry
Sometimes you look at him longingly and wonder whether he, as a moist, uneven pile of a man, could ever potentially be a decent boyfriend. Unfortunately, if anything about him resembles the stack of dirty clothing you placed in the corner after one rainy day when you forgot your umbrella, then unfortunately, he might be that same pile of wet laundry.
If you ever find yourself asking whether he’s boyfriend material or a pile of wet laundry, do yourself a favor and put him in the dryer. A pile of wet laundry won’t flinch, while someone who is boyfriend material will probably fight you on this. Either way, you’ll still have affirmation that whatever material he was made out of, he still wasn’t made out of material strong enough to create that boyfriend bond you deserve.
Lots of girls spend years working on guys and trying to make them commit, only to find out they’ll never propose because they’re actual a collection of objects. Know the signs!
