Shower Sex Positions That Say, ‘I Need to Actually Clean Myself, Though’

You’re always down for some steamy sexy times, but if you actually need to use your shower for it’s intended use, things can get awkward. Here are ways you can actually clean yourself without disturbing the spontaneous, super chill sex persona you’ve kept on for so many showers.


The Aloofah

The only thing sexier than your coy, distant attitude is covering yourself with body wash while he continually tries to have sex with you in the shower. Washing your body as if he isn’t even there says “I don’t need you” and also “the only thing I do need to keep up with is my daily hygiene routine.” Play hard to get—until you’re squeaky clean.


The Night Swim

Showering in the dark is dangerous, but when you need to wash your hair mid-coitus, it’s the perfect move. Tell him you want to heighten your senses by turning off the light in your bathroom. When the sexy times start, grab your shampoo and lather up!



The Challenge

As you’re turning the water on, tell him that you bet he can’t use the shower to actually shower. This will trigger his fragile male ego and he’ll prove to you that he can wash himself before you get down to business. This time will allow you to finally deep condition your hair.


The Old Eye-Stinger

So you need to shave every hair below your neck (he can’t yet know you weren’t born with the smooth skin of Disney cruise ship dolphin!!). Right when he’s about to make his move “accidentally” splash some grapefruit scrub in his eyes. Then, grab your razor and get to it before he can use his eyeballs again! This is a good move!!


When you need to get busy and get clean, don’t worry! With these tricks you’ll be able to leave your shower clean and fucked. Now, get in there!