In a shocking story coming out of Austin, TX, 24-year-old Missy Johnson has been reading Shakespearean comedies for a few months now, so much so that she genuinely believes that they’re funny, when in reality she just needs to watch TV.
“That one part in act two of The Tempest where Stefano thinks Caliban and Trinculo are a four legged monster really took me out,” Missy said. “I feel like most people don’t realize that Shakespeare can actually be so hilarious!”
However, despite Missy’s excitement over the 16th century playwright, many of her friends and family members are extremely concerned about her.
“At first her father and I thought it was interesting that Missy was getting so into Shakespeare,” Missy’s mother, Marie Johnson, told us. “But then I realized that she wasn’t keeping up with the new episodes of Abbott Elementary or any of the Real Housewives, and that’s when I really started to worry.”
We also spoke with a distressed friend of Missy’s about the situation.
“Missy keeps trying to explain how hilarious all the mixups in As You Like It are to me,” Missy’s roommate, Izzy McDonald, told us. “But I don’t think she realizes that there’s almost an endless amount of actually funny content on TV every day. Like, if she likes funny mixups, she should maybe consider a sitcom?”
Missy has reportedly read all fourteen comedies in Shakespeare’s canon at least five times, but hasn’t watched any television in over eight weeks.
“Don’t even get me started on Much Ado About Nothing,” Missy told us. “That play is so funny it’s actually insane.”
“What’s insane is that Missy hasn’t even seen the new season of Search Party,” roommate Izzy told us. “She used to love that show until Shakespeare got in the way. I know she probably feels a lot better from not watching any TV, but I’m still really worried about her.”
But despite her family and friends’ concerns, Missy still lives in blissful ignorance of what’s on TV.
“Why would I watch TV when I could just reread The Taming of the Shrew again?” Missy said. “Like, if I can’t struggle to translate the meaning of what someone says in New Girl, then what’s even the point?”
At press time, Missy’s loved ones are staging an intervention for her, where they plan to show her the pilot of Chewing Gum.
