Sad? These Five Sadder Things Will Hopefully Guilt You Into Being Happy

Everyone gets sad, and that’s okay—as long as you understand the fact that whatever you’re sad about is completely relative to your subjective experience, and you could probably be way sadder about stuff. A lot of people have it worse than you, so you should really feel lucky in comparison, goddammit. Don’t you feel lucky? Here are five things that are so sad you’ll have no choice but to feel guilted into being happy.


More than 40% of homeless people have physical or mental disabilities.

Sad about not being able to make rent? Well, you know the folks that you constantly blow off in the street when you’re in a bad mood because they’re “pushy”, “crazy”, and “dirty”? Yeah, turns out, a huge portion of them have mental or physical disabilities, and that statistic is based off of reports from homeless people. So, the number is probably higher. Next time you miss your train and don’t wanna give any time to this weird guy, consider that fact. You’re doing fine. Why can’t you just be happy, for Christ’s sake?


Ten times as many girls are trafficked into brothels annually as African slaves were transported to the New World during the height of the slave trade.

Yikes. You know how Brian is being a dick right now and only responding to your texts every other day or so? That blows for sure, but like, just read the fact above one more time and then try complaining about Brian again. How do you feel? Guilty? Yeah, you should. You have an unbelievably good life. Just fucking stop being so sad, okay?



Americans dump 16 tons of sewage into their waters, every minute.

You know how you were bummed out that the cucumber-lemon water you bought for $5.99 was a ripoff, and how angry you were at the capitalist society that allowed you to be hoodwinked into the purchase? Yeah, well, we literally as a species pollute and poison the one main thing we need to survive at a rate that will kill us all. So just eat the money, suck it up, and be happy for God’s sake. Why aren’t you happy? This should be working, you selfish troll.


Your brain begins to irrevocably deteriorate around age 27.

I mean, this just flat out sucks. You’re probably past that, aren’t you? And if you’re not, you’re almost there. God, that’s sad. Anyway, since your brain is dying, and you need your brain to do every single thing ever, you should probably give yourself a break when you get anxious about whether you embarrassed yourself making small talk. It’s just the chemicals in your brain trying to do their best, and now they’re dying, so there’s that. Just try forcing yourself to feel some joy, okay? Because your brain is slowly dissolving. Put a big smile on your face before even the memory of you gets wiped from existence.