In a devastating story out of Hartford, CT, 25-year-old self-proclaimed fashionista Ryan Hill is barely one week into spring and has already used up the three outfits she was excited to wear this summer.
Ryan spent all cold, dreary winter daydreaming of the halcyon day of summer when she would finally be able to dust off the amazing outfits she’d been storing for the season. Turns out, she had about three outfits planned and already wore them all a bit too soon.
“Was I a bit overzealous? Yes,” she told reporters gathered at the scene. “All things considered, 58 degrees is still too cold to wear shorts. I was freezing the whole time.”
Despite the weather, Ryan absolutely strutted out of the house in a casual tank, loose shorts, and high socks, the type of outfit she could only dream of in the winter. For the next two days, she wore slight variations of that same outfit, and now, on day four, she’s honestly out of ideas.
“Somehow I pictured this differently in my head,” she continued, staring at a closet full of clothes, none of which she wanted to wear. “I could have sworn I had more summer outfits than this.”
Ryan’s roommate, Carly Jung, confirms that this is pretty much all Ryan has been looking forward to since December: “I remember her tiptoeing into my room and whispering, ‘In five short months, I’ll be able to show my shoulders again.’ It was honestly terrifying.”
Now, the long-awaited time has come, but in a dramatic turn of events, Ryan really only has the one reliable look. By the fourth day, she had not only run out of things she was excited to wear, but also things she did not hate wearing.
“What am I going to look forward to now?” she continued. “The rest of my summer wardrobe is god awful and dressing up for any temperature above 75 degrees is self-harm.”
Sources confirm the wardrobe to which Ryan is referring does only consist of graphic tees she bought four years ago.
“On one hand, I hope my friends loved the three outfits I was excited about and will remember them forever,” Ryan continued. “But also, I’ll be rotating through them for the next six months, so I hope they’ve forgotten.”
At press time, Ryan had finally found something to look forward to: the prospect of fall in half a year.
“I can’t wait until I can wear my fun sweaters again!” she said. “You know, the ones I was wearing last week.”
