In a report emerging from your living room, as the dinner party you’re hosting commences, the quality of the cups you’re doling out to friends is going down exponentially with each arrival.
Sources confirm you planned pretty well for the occasion aside from one oversight: plastic cups. As a result, with each person who walks in the door, you’re forced to scour your house for one more cup, such that each cup is a little bit worse than the last.
“We started off really strong with some classic Ikea glassware,” you told reporters gathered at the scene while clearly sweating through your shirt and rapidly opening and closing cupboards. “But that only worked for the first, like, four people. Now I’m on person number nine and already losing it.”
Once the Ikea cups ran out, you pivoted to handing out mugs, then wine glasses full of water, then some novelty cups you’d received from weddings and Bar Mitzvahs.
To make matters worse, one of your Ikea-cup-bearing guests – Margaret Zhu from work – slipped and dropped her glass. Sources confirm you were more upset at the broken glass than the fact that she also tore down your curtains on the way down.
“So now you need another glass, Margaret?” you yelled. “What the fuck, man! I’m not a glass factory here!”
Sources then reported seeing you run into the bathroom to see if you had any leftover mouthwash cups.
“If I had known the glasses thing was going to be an issue, I wouldn’t have asked for water,” whispered one patron, Keely Park. “It didn’t seem like it would be that big of a deal. Now I’m drinking it out of an old pencil case.”
Reporters noticed many of the party guests had been given strange objects to use as glasses in lieu of genuine dishware, such as (but not limited to): an old shampoo bottle, a used candle, and a mug that was definitely cracked and then incorrectly glued back together such that it would not stop leaking.
“I just don’t understand why you all need glasses!” you yelled, at your wits end. “Does no one bring their own glass to a party anymore? Jesus, people, prepare!”
Guests were momentarily surprised but then remembered that this was probably just a classic example of “hurt people hurt people.”
