REPORT: Everyone at Gym Working Out Wrong

This morning, the Blink Fitness in Chelsea, Manhattan was packed full of people trying to exercise inside due to cold temperatures this week, but it turns out that all of them were working out completely wrong.


Reports are pouring in that literally none of these people are lifting with the right form, and are actively toiling away in a manner that not only ineffective, but actively harmful.


“I’ve been here for about an hour now,” gymgoer Stacia Ruggero said, having no idea she’s clearly deadlifting wrong. “It just feels so good to lift weights!”


Witnesses reported that Stacia was also arching her back while doing push-ups, which will undoubtedly result in an injury she’ll find out about tomorrow morning; just you wait and see.



Another exerciser was found to be working out in all the wrong ways, despite being super ripped and wearing cool shoes.


“It’s pretty clear that nobody here has any business working out in a gym,” said one anonymous report. “The only person who seems to be doing anything useful is a woman who is just laying down on the mat.”


Even people who were confident in their workout skills were found to be doing the wrong things, including the trainers.


“I always tell my clients that it’s the effort that counts,” trainer Julia Lee said while hyperextending her legs on the leg press machine. “Fitness is, first and foremost, about feeling good.”


At press time, all the patrons of the gym have not changed anything about their workouts in spite of the vicious stares and obvious phone recordings, and they reportedly never will.