Everyone in the office was shocked when Melissa Aster, Accounting Manager and notorious workaholic, walked in last April with a beautiful three-carat diamond on her left ring finger.
“I didn’t even know she was dating anyone,” said Carol Montgomery, HR Director and resident office gossip. And if Carol didn’t know, no one knew.
“I actually felt bad for her,” Carol continued, completely unprompted. “She’s always here until 8 pm and sends emails over the weekend. Not to mention, she only used three of her PTO days last year. But she still worked remotely from the hospital while her mom was dying, so that doesn’t really even count.”
Melissa never formally announced to the office that she was engaged, but of course, Carol asked for the details. They met on Coffee Meets Bagel, and his name was so boring and white, his CPA license was practically implied. It was a match made in accounting heaven.
No one knew the actual date of the wedding because no one in the office was invited, and she never, ever mentioned it, so everyone forgot to ask. However, last Friday, Melissa sent a very formally-worded Slack message to the office saying she would be taking the next week off for her honeymoon, but emphasized several times that she could be reached at any time by phone or email. Everyone replied with congratulations and wedding emojis, assuring her not to worry, and that she should just unplug and enjoy the trip.
But like clockwork, minutes before a weekly department check-in the following Tuesday, Accounting Assistant Meghan Ramirez received a text from Melissa asking if there was a call-in number for the meeting. Despite some pushback, Melissa, barely 48 hours into her honeymoon, insisted on joining.
Accounting Director Todd Jones could barely get a word out at the start of the meeting before, a muffled, static-y, “Hey, it’s Melissa,” was heard from the conference room speakerphone. After several minutes of back and forth about why Melissa was on the line and multiple utterances of, “Isn’t it 7 a.m. in Tijuana right now?” Todd finally said, in the stern voice that he uses almost exclusively with telemarketers, “Hang up, Melissa. You have to spend time with your husband. You have to.”
Melissa sheepishly complied, but to no one’s surprise, she was back at her desk the next day. Apparently, her Coffee Meets Bagel fiancé drank some Mexican tap water, so they had to cut the trip short. Anyway, best wishes to the happy couple—Melissa and her work!
