HBO’s Succession sheds light on how corporate greed and capitalistic ambition poisons the humanity of its practitioners, creating morally bankrupt, paranoid, alienated individuals incapable of connecting to even their own family members. But also you kind of love them?! If you’re ready to stare down your demons, take this quiz to find out which Succession character you are terrified to find yourself kind of rooting for.
If a young innocent dies in car crash where the driver was intoxicated, for whom do you feel bad?
A.) I feel bad for the driver because he’s actually a good guy at heart even though all of his actions make the world a worse place.
B.) Ew, sounds bad. No one’s going to blame this on me, right?
C.) I have never felt bad for anyone. I use this as an opportunity to blackmail my broken son whose addiction issues are probably my fault.
D.) I feel bad for the person who died.
An international media conglomerate’s cruise line is the center of controversy after a history of abusive practices emerges. First thoughts?
A.) Sounds vague, it’s probably not that bad.
B.) I haven’t been briefed on this, but I would like to become involved in a way that makes me look good personally.
C.) Everything is so unfair for billionaires. Why do I have to apologize for everything? The whole world is out to get me.
D.) I want justice for the victims and for the company to be held accountable!
The same international media conglomerate wants to buy a media company that runs its main competing news source. Should they?
A.) Whatever my billionaire dad thinks is good for me.
B.) As long as this doesn’t hurt my standing in the company, idrc!
C.) I want the company. Give it to me. Give me the big company for my big money or fuck off.
D.) Oh my, God, no. That sounds bad for American democracy.
Results:
Mostly A’s: Kendall/Roman. Admit it, you love these horrible goblin men. Fear and dread courses through your body as you realize your number one hope is for these generational-wealth-hoarding, inept, fiscally conservative white boys to continue having zero accountability for their harmful actions.
Mostly B’s: Siobhan/Tom. Do you want Shiv to be CEO of an evil company just because she’s had it rough as the only female sibling? Do you cheer for Tom’s malfeasance? Go take a hard look at what you’ve become. Look what Succession has done to you.
Mostly C’s: Logan Roy. Okay, you’re rooting for Logan? We’re sorry to report that you are a psychopath. Please delete your HBO, this is not safe for you any longer.
Mostly D’s: None of them. Wow, you are actually watching this show without losing perspective on the horrible realities of American capitalism its characters represent. Must be pretty boring!
