So, you’ve awoken from your slumber at the ripe young age of 29 with a crick in your neck and a stabbing pain in your back. This sort of thing happens all the time to teens such as yourself, and you’re pretty sure it’ll go away in a couple of hours, if not minutes. But a creeping thought occupies your mind –– what if this pain isn’t some fluke sleeping incident, but rather a chilling portent of things to come? Take this quiz to find out if you slept weird or if this is the start of back pain that will ceaselessly plague you for the rest of your life until you are finally put out of your misery via death.
What position did you fall asleep in?
- Just my classic comfy position: one arm behind the back, neck at a 90-degree angle, legs intertwined, body on its side.
- Flat on my back. Is that bad?
What position did you wake up in?
- Half my body was on the floor (the top half), while the other half of my body was clinging to the bed frame such that I would not fall off. Standard stuff.
- Flat on my back. Is that bad?
Have you ever experienced back pain before?
- Yeah, this is par for the course for me. It always goes away in about 30 seconds!
- Only a few times in my life, and all in the last month. There was the time I tried to jump two steps up the stairs and somehow tweaked my back for a week. Oh, and the time I missed a step off the curb and couldn’t sit straight for another week. Is that bad?
Does a history of back pain run in your family?
- Nope! My father was a gymnast at 80.
- Yes, on both sides! My mom said it took a second for hers to start though – oh shit.
Can you touch your toes?
- Easily.
- Don’t ask insensitive questions right now.
RESULTS:
Mostly 1s: You just slept weird! In fact, you slept super weird. You should probably stop doing that – for health purposes – but it seems like your current back pain should be gone in a jiffy.
Mostly 2s: Unfortunately, it’s the beginning of the end for you, my friend. Enjoy the slight back pain you feel now because it will certainly only get worse. On the bright side, you’ll be able to say, “Ah, my back!” in earnest, which is a pretty funny one-liner to be able to whip out at whim.
