It can be troubling for your parents to watch their children develop their own political views once they leave home, and the nuances of political thought often get lost in the fray of a tense family discussion. Take this quiz to find out if your parents are calling you a communist behind your back or if you’re simply not going hard enough.
How much do you know about communism?
- A lot! I’ve read The Communist Manifesto and all three volumes of Das Kapital, plus some of the works that inspired Marx, like Hegel’s Elements of the Philosophy of Right.
- Not much. Took one theory class in college.
- Only what I learned in grade school, so…uh…Russia?
What does the word “proletariat” mean to you?
- It refers to workers, the foundation of our society.
- That’s like, people. I think.
- Is it a multivitamin?
Would your parents have any reason to suspect you’re secretly communist?
- Yes, because I am.
- Not really. I’ve never even said the word “communist” around them.
- I’m pretty adamant about disagreeing with the “hippie dippies” haha…we’re all on the same page here, right?
When your parents say things like “There’s nothing inherently wrong with being a billionaire,” how do you react?
- With a clear and concise refutation of the myth of capitalist ascension and a list of fifteen ways that money could be put to better public use.
- I chuff a little (maybe guffaw) but don’t say anything.
- I kind of agree…
How would you describe your political affiliation?
- I am a leftist and a communist.
- I lean left. I would say neoliberal? Like I definitely vote Democrat and donate to a few grassroots orgs every year, but I think leftists take things a little far sometimes.
- Socially liberal but fiscally conservative. That’s still an option, right?
Results:
Mostly 1s and 2s: Yup, your parents are calling you a communist! Doesn’t really matter where you fall on the spectrum from neoliberal to leftist: it’s all communism in Dad’s eyes. Next time you say the rich could afford to pay more taxes, be prepared for your mom to chime in, “What? You want to live in the Soviet Union? You want to go back to the Soviet Union? You think the Soviet Union was so great? You love the Soviet Union?” But hey, stay strong, comrade!
Mostly 3s: You’re not going hard enough, buddy! But also—SURPRISE—your parents still call you a communist! Doesn’t matter what you say: they’re still convinced your friends are “influencing your mind” and that “organized sports changed you.” Still, it’s time to step up! Read a few more books! Talk to some organizers! We’re confident your parents will be spot on in no time.
