Who says you can’t have cool sex while pregnant? Contrary to popular belief, being pregnant doesn’t mean you have to miss out on the pleasures of sex AND being a cool mom! There are plenty of tried-and-true moves that scream, “Wow, I’m having sex, I’m pregnant, and I’m gonna be the chilliest mom EVER—hear that, fetus?!?!”
1. The Reverse Cow-“Girl, If You’re Gonna Smoke Pot, Just Do It In The Basement Where I Can Keep An Eye On You”
This position works great well into your chill-ass pregnancy. It relieves pressure from your back while also letting your fetus know that you’re okay with her doing recreational drugs as long as it’s under your roof!
2. The Back Door (Is Always Unlocked For Your Friends)
While you’re getting entered from behind, you can also let your fetus know that her future friends will always be welcome to enter the house from the back door, cuz you’re gonna be a chill mom like that!
3. The Countertop (Is Full Of All Of Your Favorite Snacks)
Sometimes you gotta take the sex out of the bedroom, which is lined with framed nude photos of yourself from when you were 18, and take it into the kitchen, which is stocked with TONS of string cheese. While this move gives your pregnant body the ecstasy of orgasm, it simultaneously foreshadows all the cool snacks your fetus will be eating on your cool-mom watch!
4. The Quickie (Let Mom Grab Her Wallet)
Not only is this a time-efficient sex experience, but it doubles as way of reminding your fetus that whenever she needs help with money troubles, you’ll be there for her, with a supportive hug and 20 bucks to go buy some more snacks!
5. The Woman On Top (That’s What Mom Always Says)
Grab your orgasm by the reigns by setting your own pace, ensuring your pregnant body is comfortable, and casually letting your fetus know that you’re all about female empowerment! You love that Beyoncé!
If you find yourself unsatisfied with these positions due to pregnancy constraints, or just feel your fetus hasn’t picked up on what a cool mom you are, we recommend consulting the Kama Sutra while listening to Rihanna and smoking a J. Oh yeah, your baby will get the hint!