Sure, Matt can pretend he doesn’t feel this connection the two of you have. He has no idea that you have the patience to wait out his little 3.5-year phase with “Jen.” Until he comes to his senses, you’ll be right here, dating all these awesome alternative options like you don’t even care that he hugged you that one time when he got really excited about his team winning. Here are the five guys you’ll occupy yourself with while you’re waiting for Matt to be single again:
The Guy That Looks Just Like Matt
Half the reason you took this new job is because your deskmate looks just like Matt. Down to the dark brown eyes and even darker brown eyebrows. This fling will be short-lived because you’ll get annoyed by how he’s not like Matt at all, he’s a completely different person and that is not what you’re into.
The Guy That Looks Nothing Like Matt
You found this guy when you braved up and went out to the bar on your own one night. It’s great that he looks completely different, because you’re sick of waiting for Matt and he’s not even that appealing to you anymore. This guy doesn’t have Matt’s laugh, in fact he doesn’t laugh at all. Who’s winning now, Matt?
The Guy You Met Right When You Saw The Pic Of Matt And His Girlfriend in Peru
He said “Hi” right before that single tear dropped onto your phone, so he’ll do for the next six months.
The Guy You Met That’s Perfect For You, But You Dump As Soon As Matt Changes His Profile Pic
Relationship statuses don’t mean a thing: The true tell of a breakup is when Matt is suddenly alone in his profile pic after a straight year of smiling while his girlfriend kisses his cheek. Oh, now he’s alone with a drink in his hand? Screw this smart, athletic kindergarten teacher standing before you, Matt must have finally given in to fate and gotten himself ready to board the you-train. Next stop: eternity!
The Guy That You See In The Mirror When You’re Wearing a Matt Wig and Talking All Low
You realize that profile picture was not significant and have decided to give up on going out for a while. You’re going to start dating yourself…dressed as Matt, staring in a mirror, reading the texts he’s sent you in his voice. This will get you through, and will be an adorable anecdote to tell him that proves you knew this would happen from day one.
You’re still waiting for Matt to get a grip and run through a field of daisies for you, but in the meantime, these are the five guys you’ll spend your time with. These guys or any other guys. Doesn’t really matter who ’cause you’re just biding your time until Maaaatttttt…