Police Need to be Held Accountable – Except for My Godfather Who Gets Me Out of DUIs          

I think we can all agree that after the past few weeks, we all suddenly realized it’s time for police to be held accountable for their actions. But should that be applied to all actions? Don’t get me wrong; I totally get that this is a broken system in desperate need of reform, but should we really be taking away the parts of the system that specifically benefit me?


That’s why I support fully support police reform – except in the case of my awesome godfather who gets me out of DUIs all the time.


A godfather is a very special person in a little girl’s life. My godfather is my dad’s best friend Nick, or “Uncle Nick”, and he is a super nice guy who literally became a cop because of Die Hard! And between exorbitant birthday presents and ridiculous way over the top pampering, Uncle Nick (or really anyone in my life) has never treated me like anything less than a princess. This has nothing to do with why I still behave the way I do.


Uncle Nick is definitely one of the good cops who just wants to go to work and come home safely while occasionally getting me out of DUIs in the process. Is that really a crime!?



I can’t describe how much it’s meant to me over the years to know that Uncle Nick always has my back, especially when black and brown teenagers do hard time for minor infractions like jumping turnstiles and I have dodged any repercussions at all on I think all seven DUIs at this point (who’s counting – not me!). Of course, the police who are murdering innocent people need to be held accountable, but should we let what certain officers do reflect poorly on the ones who do good work especially when that work is getting me out of trouble after a long night at some McFadden’s, somewhere? I know this “bad apple” logic is never acceptable when applied to literally any other group of people or profession, but maybe in this case it’s perfectly reasonable since I would probably be in prison without it? Please?


So, as we see sweeping police reform legislation pop up across the country I think we can all agree it’s been a long time coming. But maybe we should consider exclusions for white women like me who repeatedly get behind the wheel blacked the fuck out and would like to keep getting away with it. And please don’t get mad at me, okay, I don’t make the rules! I just benefit from them sometimes.