I Was Also Against the Bad Thing Until You Brought Up Abolishing the Bad Thing

The actions of police officers during the George Floyd protests across the country have been reprehensible. The police must be held accountable for abusing peaceful protestors, and for the murders of Black men and women that gave rise to these very protests. I could not condemn police action more strongly, but if people want to abolish the police? Well, over my dead fucking body.


I hate the racist, incompetent police force as much anybody (probably more!), and that’s exactly why they must continue to exist with the hope that they will become much, much better in the future. Do you want to live in a world where the police are there to protect peace, not incite violence? Sounds pretty good, right? Well get this: That can’t happen if there is no police force in the first place.


The dirt bag, vile, good-for-nothing police can be reformed. We just have to give them more and more money and never stop. And if we do that and police brutality and racist over-policing still persist, then and only then will we know that it’s time to give them even more money.


I absolutely hate the police and think they’re class-traitorous, blood thirsty pigs, but then again who wouldn’t be with such a stressful job and inadequate training. That’s why all police should receive six figure salaries, five weeks vacation time, and nine hours of sleep a night. A lot of people might say why pour additional resources into a systematically racist police force instead of using them to improve conditions in the communities terrorized by over-policing? And to that I say, the police exist, and therefore should and must exist forever. Join the rest of us in reality!



So instead of going at each other’s throats about whether we should abolish the police (who we all agree are bad!), let’s focus on banding together, giving more money to them, and getting the Cheeto in Chief out of the office. You can count on me to be at every protest with my REFORM NOW sign, yelling at people to vote despite the fact that Black people are disproportionately unable to vote due to methodical carceral disenfranchisement.


We can beat those racist police by making sure they become a more bloated, all-powerful, and (hi!) more diverse organization by the day. Go team!