Please, Take On The Burden Of Letting Me Know How I Can Help You With Your Loss

White Woman Speaks:

Wow. I just heard the news. I’m so, so sorry. I can’t imagine what it must be like to be you right now. I can’t imagine what it’s like because it’s never happened to me, but I want to let you know that I’m here for you and if there’s anything at all that I can do, tell me exactly what it is, even if it’s an exhausting burden on you to figure it out.


You are going to draw on incredible reserves of strength in the days ahead. Your recovery is going to be inspiring to watch, I just know it—especially if I watch from a safe distance, like from your Facebook feed or from someone else telling me about it at the grocery store. You’re like a hero to me. I just need you to go through one more trauma—that of telling me exactly how I can help you, and then painstakingly explaining it to me with clear instructions that I can understand.


You are a dear friend, so if there is anything I can do—even the tiniest thing—do not hesitate to ask. I am here for you 100%. Just make sure you ask by text because I don’t answer my phone and I don’t check my voicemail, and if you text me during the day then I probably won’t reply because I have to work until like 7:00 lately because business is nuts, plus I’m trying to get ready for this vacation to Iceland that I’ve had planned for like a thousand years, and we’re leaving Saturday and I haven’t even started to pack yet, and now I think my cat has a UTI. But seriously, text me or even email and I’ll hit you back ASAP. I will not be reaching out to you, so please be proactive.



My heart breaks for you. I wish I knew how to help. So hopefully you can figure it out and then lay it all out for me point by point so I don’t have to think about it at all. You are not alone.


Everybody grieves in their own way. I think you’re going to grieve by being strong. At least I hope you are. May you find peace in this difficult time. I know I will, as soon as you find the time to tell me how.