Remaining true to a time-honored tradition, Brooklyn native Justine Cole woke up on a cold midwinter morning and decided she actually hates every single item of clothing she owns and would rather eat her own foot than wear any of them out of the house.
That’s the spirit! Hate them all!
“I don’t really know what came over me,” Justine told reporters. “I just looked at my closet and could not even comprehend how I had worn any of these clothes yesterday without feeling extremely embarrassed of myself.”
Not only was she not embarrassed, but they were actually her favorites!
After the initial shock wore off, Justine decided to try on every single item in her closet and nitpick how it fell on her body in the mirror.
“Yeah,” she said, while trying on a sweater she wore three times last week. “I’m going to need to apologize to my friends for ever having worn this.”
After 45 minutes of trying on clothes, even flipping some inside out to see if that made it any better (it did not), she found one glimmer of hope: A t-shirt she absolutely reviled yesterday looked amazing today.
“Right now, it’s the only thing I can imagine myself wearing until I have time to buy more clothes,” she said, even though she purchased most of her current closet three months ago and justified the expense by saying she’d “wear these items for a lifetime.”
Cole’s mother Jean didn’t seem too concerned, asking, “Oh, is she doing the thing where she wakes up and decides she hates all her clothes and tries all them on and finds one t-shirt that she hated yesterday but today she loves it? Yeah, what day is it…February 10th?”
Professor Gregory Greene at the University of Michigan notes that this is a well-documented phenomenon: “It’s just that time of year where people feel like everything is gloomy and spiraling out of their control, so they channel that energy into their clothes and aesthetic choices.”
Luckily, Cole just got a paycheck and has decided to spend all of it at Uniqlo and none of it on rent.
With one crisis averted, she still has much to look forward to, like the day she decides she hates her haircut and the day she decides to hate the aesthetic of her bedroom.