Nice! New Collar Delivers a Shock Every Time You Say, ‘They Did This on Glee’

Do you ever wish that you could stop yourself from launching into an in-depth analysis about how something you saw reminded you of an episode of Glee? Well, you’re in luck! In a huge win for Ryan Murphy haters and people who don’t want to accidentally out themselves, this shock collar will ensure that you do not derail everyday conversations with incredibly deranged Glee references.


The creators of this collar explain that the device is sound-activated and highly sensitive to irritating levels of enthusiasm.


“It’s simple!” says engineer Louisa Weber. “Anytime the wearer mentions the word ‘Glee’ or brings up the names of any main characters, the device will send a shock of 4500 volts through the person’s body,”.


It comes in flesh tones for those who want to be inconspicuous or in funky patterns for those who want it to feel like Pavlov’s dogs.


“Once when I was in the cafeteria at the school I teach at, I saw a kid dump a beverage on another kid’s head,” says Michael Downey who teaches 7th grade English. “I turned to the person next to me and was like, ‘Oh my gosh, this is just like in Glee!’ Well, that person was the assistant principal, and now I can’t teach in my school district. It probably didn’t help that I mentioned I got into teaching so I could be a Mr. Schue type.”



If only Michael had been wearing this collar, he wouldn’t be unemployed!


“It works like a charm,” says Lena Williams who was once kicked out of a party for holding the aux hostage and playing the Glee version of the 2010s top 100 hits. “Anytime I even think about bringing up that one scene where Kurt and Blaine — AHHG. See, it went off before I could even finish my sentence! I’m going to go lay down now before I have a stroke.”


Wow! It really is effective!