The tech company Evol made an important announcement this week, unveiling their very own virtual reality headset that will soon allow users to touch grass in the metaverse.
“You asked, and we answered,” CEO of Evol, Jamie Patterson, told reporters at a recent tech conference in Las Vegas, NV. “Every technology-lover who has been inside and online for more than four days straight has run into the same insult over and over again: ‘You need to touch grass.’ That’s why we have finally created this groundbreaking device that allows you to do so without ever having to actually go outside, interact with humans, or breathe fresh air. You’re welcome, world!”
While most attendees at the conference were thrilled at the news and cheered after Patterson’s announcement, the people close to these tech enthusiasts had a few pressing concerns about the technological development.
“It’s always been a struggle to convince my girlfriend to get out of the house from time to time,” Dylan Ramirez, the girlfriend of popular online blogger Ana Michaels, told reporters. “The only times she has actually been motivated to leave were when she would get an influx of replies or messages telling her to ‘touch grass’ after she posted a bad take, but now that she can achieve this with the power of VR technology, I’m a bit worried for her. I mean, she’s been posting Dune 2 memes for over three months now.”
A few lucky fans of Evol were reportedly able to obtain a beta version of the headset, however, the reviews seem to be pretty mixed at this time.
“I jumped at the opportunity to get my hands on the new headset. I haven’t been able to try out the Meta Quest or the Apple Vision Pro, so I’ve been desperate to see what the capabilities of VR are,” one beta tester, Yaya Douglas, told reporters. “However, when I first put it on, I quickly learned that touching grass is the only activity you can do with it? Like, you can’t play any other games or talk to anyone, but I’m still having a great time with it regardless, even though I only use it after I get cussed out on the internet.”
As of press time, Evol’s new VR device had hit store shelves and sold out immediately, receiving both positive and negative reviews from users, with a majority of negative reviews focusing on the fact that they could have just gone outside instead of paying two thousand dollars.
