Mother’s Day is this weekend, which means moms nationwide are going to be pampered, waited on, and cherished for a full 24 hours. This also means our hardworking moms are finally going to get what they’ve always wanted: undercooked eggs in bed.
“We moms love nothing more than seeing our perfect kids put effort into Mother’s Day, even if the results leave a little bit to be desired,” said local mom Candace Pepper. “I personally love eating eggs that are dangerously undercooked to the point of being unsafe, then having to say, ‘Mmm! So good!’ lest anyone’s feelings get hurt.”
“I would confidently say food poisoning rates skyrocket on Mother’s Day,” said ER doctor Nina Parson. “The kids don’t know how to cook eggs for shit, and the dads are no help. Then moms basically get peer-pressured into eating eggs they know are going to fuck up their guts.”
While this is a universally acknowledged fact among moms, many emphasize that they know planning Mother’s Day is a lot of work.
“I don’t really mind that my kids always undercook the eggs, even if they are 26 and 32,” said another mom, Anya Singh. “It also totally doesn’t bother me that they’re still hand-making cards and giving me ‘free hug’ coupons as a gift. I don’t mind at all. Not at all. Not even a little bit.”
At this point, reporters thought it was pretty clear Anya was trying to convince herself.
Many moms also confirmed the whole “eating breakfast in bed” thing is more trouble than it’s worth.
“It’s great in theory, but impossible in practice,” Candace continued. “My husband never remembers to give me a tray, so I’m balancing four dishes on my lap while my kids intently watch me eat, which kind of sucks. They also always pour me a really vibrantly colored juice, which someone will inevitably spill on the bed. Now, I have to strip the sheets and put them in the laundry. It’s basically a continuation of every other day in that sense.”
Scientists conducted an experiment where they placed moms in a room with their families and asked if they like their Mother’s Day brunches, to which 100% said yes. The scientists then asked the families to leave and asked the same question. This time, 100% said, “Please don’t make me answer that. Because the answer is no.”
As of press time, the moms also wished to express their gratitude for the thoughtful “20% off massage” coupons they received. They also wanted to take this time to remind their kids it’s time to start planning for Father’s Day.
