My Love Language Is Holding Up the Swiffer to Show You How Much Dirt and Hair Came Off the Floor

The five love languages- acts of service, gift-giving, physical touch, quality time, and words of affirmation, have been popularized as the five ways most people receive and show love in their relationships. Mine is a different, but much more heartfelt symbol of my commitment to others. My love language is actually just holding up the Swiffer to show you how much dirt and hair came off the floor.


Isn’t that sooo satisfying?



I know that being a good partner involves demonstrating love in every love language to an extent. Quality time sounds nice, but nothing is really quality time to me unless we’re both marveling at how absolutely fucking gross the apartment floor was after not mopping for three weeks.


Now that’s my bid for connection.


I definitely do my best to show love in the way my partner prefers, but sometimes I just have to follow my instincts. Sure, I could “listen to what they want” and perform an act of service or write them a really thoughtful car about how I feel about them, but sometimes it feels inauthentic to me. This is why I finished mopping and brought our used wet pad to our Valentine’s Day date. It was just what felt right at the time. And you really should have seen that thing – I’m telling you it was a totally gray Swiffer pad. It was…disgusting <3.


So that’s why I’m going to continue showing love the way I know how: with a quick “hey look at this” and a dirty convenience mop shoved in your face. And maybe, if someone loves me and understands me too, they’ll show me how dirty the paper towel is after they wipe our windows down. That’s love.